Why Meanwhile

Today’s the day.

I’m sitting here on my couch, Magna-tiles covering my floors, dirty dishes in the sink, my 22-month old asleep for maybe just a few more minutes of the afternoon nap. For as long as I can remember, I have loved to write – I love ideas. I love words. I love processing and brainstorming and connecting. I love creativity and imagining and finding beauty. But in this current season of my life, I am finding it hard to slow down. And when I do slow down, I don’t know what to do with myself or how to focus on the good; how to sharpen my focus on what I love, amidst the chaos and the juggling of all the hats I wear. So today’s the day. I decided I would start with one thing I love – which is writing. And here we are – laptop open, a million and one other things I maybe “should” be doing. But meanwhile (couldn’t help myself), I am making the conscious choice to carve out this time for myself. To pour my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and in general what’s on my heart out onto a page. And so far – it’s feeling pretty great.

I’ve wanted to start writing and collecting my thoughts in some capacity for a long time, but I’ve never known where to start. It seemed like there should be some specific purpose, some organized and genius plan and strategy for whatever I would produce. But lately, I have noticed myself coming back to the word, “meanwhile.” It often is in relation to my amazing, beautiful, hilarious and spunky children. “Izzy’s dancing along to Taylor Swift… meanwhile, Max is throwing every ball he can find across the room.” Or… “Max fell asleep early tonight… meanwhile, Izzy has come out of her room 5 times already.” And other times it’s been related to some major life shifts that have taken place in our family. I keep wondering to myself how to focus on that “Meanwhile” – that when things are hard, they can also be really good. Meanwhile, to me, is just that – things can be more than one way, situations/seasons/people/relationships/chapters always have another layer to them, if we are intentional about looking for it.

So what I am aiming to do as I begin this writing journey is to come to this space to really dive into the “meanwhile” in my life.

• What fabulous and wonderful things can I show gratitude for?
• How can I make time to come back to who I am – what matters to me, and how will I show up not just for others, but for myself?
• What is weighing on me, and how can I find balance and self-compassion in tackling the hard?
• And maybe most importantly, what am I learning? What do I need to give myself permission to learn or unlearn?

In the past year, I have gone through an overwhelming transformation as a mother, as a partner, as a professional, and as a woman. My hope is that by focusing on what lives within the little details of my every-day, I might show up as a better version of myself and maybe even utilize this space to connect and grow with others someday.

And with that, my toddler is stirring from nap time. I will soon hear, “Mommeeeeee” coming from the baby monitor. Because meanwhile, there is always something wonderful around the corner.

Courtney