This Time Last Year

The idea of time has been on my mind so much lately, in so many different ways…

– How to prioritize my time for the most important things

– How to “use my time wisely” (as so many past teachers instilled in me), to be more efficient and effective

– How to be more present in the now, because time is of course moving scarily fast

These are just some of the big ideas that have been ruminating in my head, even before the holidays and all the New Year frenzy around setting intentions/resolutions/goals. As I began seeing others share their priorities for the upcoming calendar year, I started to realize there was a word I kept seeing that hit home the most for me – LESS. (Shout-out to my brother for sending me an awesome piece that resonated with me big time about this theme!)

I plan to keep reflecting and learning about what I want LESS of in my life, in order to make room for MORE of what matters the most. But the end of December and beginning of January has left me with an underlying, steady feeling of uneasiness and an uptick in my already-present anxiety. When December 29 arrived, I looked at the calendar (because, that foggy blur of days between Christmas and New Years where we can’t keep track of what day it is) and it clicked – it had been one year since one of the most transformational days of my life, and two years since one of the other major transitional and defining moments. Once I recognized this, it made sense that I was feeling “off” more than usual – I am a firm believer that our bodies remember significant events in our lives.

So in the spirit of thinking about time, I wanted to pause and put down in words what incredible – and to me, miraculous – gifts have come into my life over this 3 year stretch of time. While I am not sure I am fully ready to unpack my stories in detail around each of these events just yet, I know that there will come a time when I decide to do so. But for now, today, I want to just recognize the beauty that has come after painful, terrifying, and faith-testing obstacles. The past three Januarys for our family have included:

– January 2022: Pre-term labor with my second-born.

After being hospitalized for preterm labor at 32 weeks, our 2nd premie thankfully arrived safe and healthy nearly 3 weeks later.

– January 2023: Recovery from a full abdominal hysterectomy

At age 34. I underwent this life-changing surgery after suffering from debilitating endometriosis since I was 14.

– January 2024: Quality time (albeit chaotic) with my two healthy, energetic, spunky kiddos

As I said before, the events of the past Januaries include stories to tell in more detail on another day. But I don’t want to forget the feeling I have right now when I think back to where we were at this exact time of year both one and two years ago. Life is far from perfect, but wow am I lucky to have conquered those scary, uncertain seasons to be here today pain-free and chasing around two hilarious and amazing kiddos.

So even though so many of us keep focusing on what’s ahead and how we want to be better at managing or maximizing our time (which I still plan to do), let’s also not forget to look back at where we’ve been and what we’ve accomplished or overcome over such stretches of time in our lives. I know I am not going to.