Coming Home

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. The past few months have included my tiptoeing back into a passion that’s taken a back seat in recent years. Running has always had a hold on me in some form, evolving from the love/hate relationship that came from competing in high school track and cross country to finding solace in the therapeutic long runs that would be the cornerstone of training for longer races as an adult. It’s always been about taking time for me, even if it’s really hard… to unwind, to get stronger, to heal. 

The last race I ran before having my kids feels like lifetimes ago, and in a way it was. In the time between then & now, my years-long battle with endometriosis led to fertility challenges, high risk pregnancies, preterm labor and delivery (times 2), and recovery from a full abdominal hysterectomy. My two miracle babies are now 5 and almost 3 years old, and I am finally pain-free.

Completing a half marathon this past fall, after all that’s taken place in the last six years of my life, was humbling, emotional, and opened my eyes up in ways I wasn’t expecting. It felt sort of like coming home to myself after so many changes and shifts (both good and hard) over the past couple years.

When I started my half training plan, I didn’t expect to experience such self acceptance through the process. My body has changed in countless ways since becoming a mom & becoming post menopausal by age 33 – hormones, weight, mood, the broad spectrum of feelings that come with gaining your quality of life back but exchanging so much for it. Deep down I had hoped that this surgery would finally resolve my pain and allow me to do the things it had often prevented me from doing, and I tried to manage my expectations. But with each run I closed out on my watch, I realized more and more how strong my body truly is. This ability to move without hurting was what I had prayed for, begged for, for so long.

I was reminded why I have such a love for the run. It’s about doing something hard until it becomes comfortable and natural. It’s about the silence that takes over my scattered mind once I settle in. It’s about doing the things that make me feel like me, for me. And so I surprised myself by letting go of the expectations I used to have before – I didn’t expect a certain speed, or to look a certain way, or to check off an exact number of workouts. I was just thankful to move, to feel strong. And ultimately, to heal. 

On race day, I showed up to the start line so happy to be there. And as I crossed that finish line I was hit with the assurance that the big things that make up who we are don’t ever go away. However, we do have to fight to keep them alive – It takes effort and courage to fan those flames. A solid support system also helps.

And not only do we owe it to ourselves to keep our flames lit, but I have come to believe that we also add light into our inner circles, our people, when we do the things that make us feel like the person we want to be. By living our best lives, how can it not impact the ones we love? 

Here’s to more of doing the things that makes us, us, in 2025. ❤️